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Archive for April, 2012

Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was incredibly busy the other week, and my husband had a vacation day coming up. He offered to take my car to get an emissions test and oil change on his day off. Immediately, I had two simultaneous thoughts: one, that would be awesome, since I didn’t know when I was going to fit those things into my schedule; two, I don’t want to ruin his day off, I’ll find a way to get it done. Sensing the hesitation in my voice, he encouraged me to let him do these tasks, and I said yes.

It was a rare occasion where I actually say yes when someone wanted to help me. And it felt great. Foreign, but great.

As I look back on all the times that I have said no when someone offered to help me, I realized that most of the time I felt resentful that they didn’t help. That’s right. I said no, but still resented them—how unfair! I realized that I would rather live in gratitude than in resentment and it was a big part of why I am working on saying yes to help and assistance.

We really give people a gift when we allow them to help us. Think about a time when you assisted someone and how great it felt to know that you helped them out. And you didn’t look down on that person for needing assistance. Don’t take that feeling away from people.

We can’t worry about whether they mean it when they ask—if they didn’t mean it, they won’t ask or offer again because they now know that you will say yes! Be grateful for the assistance and soak in the good feeling of being loved and cared for. Let the other person know how much it means to you and share the gratitude with them.

This is something I encourage everyone who is grieving to practice. There are many skills you need to learn or tasks you are now responsible for since your loved one is gone. You might need emotional or moral support. Whatever it is, you don’t have to shoulder that load all by yourself. Say yes to those offers! Choose gratitude instead of resentment and see how it changes your attitude, emotions, and connections with those you love.

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